Monday, April 09, 2007

A Walk in the Clouds...

hell yes!

Renewal. Direct, to the point, efficient. RAW ignition of the spark.

That was our weekend. My lovely bride and I were renewed. Renewed with Hope, renewed with compassion, and renewed with faith in ourselves and at least a tiny fraction of the world out there.

We had made a choice, we set a course, we started that journey a long time ago, at our genesis in fact. Cyclones came and went, drama rears it's inevitable head, but we stayed the course, trusting. And this weekend, we were renewed.

As a kid growing up, dating, that awkward necessary struggle to meet selfish and primitive needs, and desires, well..frankly, was a royal pain my ass. I was a geek, could slap on a social mask, or so I thought, and get by, pretend like I was a part of, act as if I was confident. All the while, my soul knows the truth. Not exactly a misfit; more like a clumsy but sensitive soul looking for the decryption key to the code. Never finding it.

I naturally overly self disclosed, turned people off, scared some away, people that just weren't on my frequency, couldn't unlock my sequence. mom always said " learn to hold a little back, Son." I never did figure out how to do that, but deep in my frustrated heart I began a mustard seed of trust that there were others... others like me..that would be able to compile me... that they were out there.

many false starts, beaten inward self loathing, momentary losses of the mustard seed, never ending self doubt.

yet, I trudged on, sometimes, despite my best efforts. Seemed the universe had other plans though, I survived, still clinging, still looking for my ladder..my ladder up.

Then a twist of unforeseeable, and unmanageable events, brought my soul mate to my life. She didn't run, or get scared by my self disclosure, my eagerness to make up for lost time; emotional, spiritual, and physical healing. Rather than turn away, as most the world does, she embraced my style, emboldened my confidence, supported me, encouraged me. Made me stronger, easily debugged and compiled me.

We shared similar visions of ourselves, beliefs that we could... find that ladder to a place where our larger than us spirits could soar. Together we set that course and started that journey, we boldly headed out.

Funny how it is; two steps forward, one step back. I think thats an important part of the path, often I've attempted to avoid it, but I now know its valuable, important. Success without humility is soon lost. Can't know the good until you've tasted the bad.

We have shared a fantasy, the trivia of which is irrelevant, unless you already know it. We have staggered and been challenged on this searching for the ladder, the ladder to the living out of the fantasy, the ladder to the place we could together soar. When we have stepped off this path, inevitably, we are drawn back. Persistence of good fantasy is potent. It always sneaks back in, and reminds, restarts the path. Finds ways to crush the lingering memory of disappointments and re focus the quest to its most pure form.

This weekend, we stepped out. We took yet another chance, a semi blind stab at reaching that goal, of believing in the trust, we dared reach for the brass ring. Just when we started off for the brass ring, instead of a brass ring, we stumbled upon the ladder! We took each other's hand and climbed that ladder, we took a Walk in the Clouds.

I think we are still up those puffy clouds. The view is oh so nice. I'm quite certain we haven't touched ground yet. Yes, the ground is there, it will come up and get us anyway, eventually, but tonight, we are decidedly lingering in the satisfaction, the renewal. Together, we may stumble, but we can fulfill dreams, fantasies even. Together, there just ain't much stopping us, the sum is much greater than the addition of the parts. We did know how to soar after all!

We're gonna remember the path, the way back, the secret location of the ladder up into the clouds. We will walk in the clouds again.

We will participate in our own renewal. We will embrace the journey!

And thats a promise!