Questing Comfort
Grrr!
I think I may have forgotten about this blog. I haven't posted anything new in almost a year. Not clear why, just had other interests, I guess. And now, I come to post, and it's apparently been acquired by Google. wtf? I mean, hey, I'm an IT professional, meaning I use Google everyday, to find fixes to stuff I forget, etc. But I am not thrilled to see any one site or company become so damn invasive. Can't seem to install anything these days without it including the free Google toolbar, and or desktop search! I don't like search clients on my machines. I mean, If I can't recall where I saved something, then well... I may not be qualified to save anything, or probably shouldn't even have the privilege to save anything, thanks. But thats another rant for another time.
Despite my minuscule knowledge and wisdom, ( although my ego wold attempt to fool you that it's immense ) and all the tools I have learned over time to nurture my Comfort, damn it, my comfort aura seems to be shrinking the last few weeks. Irritability and lack of tolerance seem to be the modality of subconscious choice. And frankly, it really isn't even fun, but it appears to have selected itself as a default mindset, and I'm struggling to edit it.
* shadow boxes himself, unsuccessfully*
So here and Now, I'm accepting the NPC's quest "Comfort". The rewards noted for this quest are:
A sense of Comfort; a feeling of ease within one's own skin, a faith that all is well in the world. A patience and appreciation for those that wander through my day. A level of respect for everything, regardless of my internal agreement or not. An Agape love ( infinite, undefined ) without effort, naturally.
Hmmmph. Sounds good, by jeesh... look at the almost endless steps to the quest:
Practice Self Discipline
In all things, choose the most humble approach
Remember only I can exercise my emotions, I decide consciously or unconsciously, to react to things
Slow down Everything
Welcome every challenge
Turn off my amazing magnifying mind
Constantly build Gratitude lists
Touch people ( when appropriate ) and allow them to touch me
Spend time with my kitties; their unconditional love is exemplary
Make a big deal of Positive things, minimize negatives
Discard indifference, fake it if necessary, but be interested
Ad Infinitum of pop psychobabble
Well. I really do want the reward, the Comfort promised. Why is my natural reaction to good instruction defiance? I think sometimes it's because I believe that some of the "comfort" I think others try to persuade me they have, is utter BS, a plastic outward comfort, but not valid. Just a useless veneer.
I mean, sure, in the 12 step world, if I just go to more meetings, spend more time with new comers, sacrifice everything important to me to put other's needs first, yada yada, ( and all the other dogmatic, Pavlovian responses they offer to such discussions ) I can have Comfort. But it really isn't real, is it? It's just a blanket over reality.
Or the other camps that suggest " you have a chemical imbalance... seek Comfort through chemical adjustment! " See a licensed Physician and fix that! Ya know, I have never seen anything that actually proved there is a quantifiable chemical deficiency in anyone. I mean, can they actually test for the levels of Seretonin, and see if it's below norm? I don't trust they can, been that route, and it's synthetic Comfort was only a zombie experience I frankly will not allow again. If I have to be a zombie to get by another day, I'd rather call Dr. Kevorkian in. Besides, add in the FACT these pill pushers financially benefit from their relationships with Big Pharma, well, their motive isn't pure, is it. Seems that just maybe, their data and reading of it, just might be skewed.
And then there's the whole religion thing, which really is the model for the 12 step thing, isn't it? Do what we say, think what we tell you to think, pay through the nose, and we'll grant you Comfort. Ignore your thoughts, Ignore common sense, Ignore the facts, just trust us! I mean I've tried the blind trust in books; books that have been edited infinitely over time by men, books that include or discard what those men decide is relevant. Sorry, but My Soul Knows the Truth. All things are motivated by selfish interest, and books are just another example of that. So I really have no desire in that Craptastic Comfort.
So, I'm stuck. Of course I'm not a victim, I chose this, I wasn't forced, I was simply born with a mind. It really is a positive, not a negative! It really is the one true freedom the traitors in charge can't deprive me of. I will embrace my mind.
I am going to start this quest, " Comfort" anew today. Fresh Enthusiasm. Fresh approach. I flex my strength to alter my default, to get back to the Comfort. To appreciate that the Lemming's Cliff isn't too far off at this point for this depraved society, that a culling is inevitable and necessary! To enjoy the ride until it comes.
*swells with hope!*
Yes, writing helps renew. It empowers me. I feel some Comfort already!
Peace, if you so desire
I think I may have forgotten about this blog. I haven't posted anything new in almost a year. Not clear why, just had other interests, I guess. And now, I come to post, and it's apparently been acquired by Google. wtf? I mean, hey, I'm an IT professional, meaning I use Google everyday, to find fixes to stuff I forget, etc. But I am not thrilled to see any one site or company become so damn invasive. Can't seem to install anything these days without it including the free Google toolbar, and or desktop search! I don't like search clients on my machines. I mean, If I can't recall where I saved something, then well... I may not be qualified to save anything, or probably shouldn't even have the privilege to save anything, thanks. But thats another rant for another time.
Despite my minuscule knowledge and wisdom, ( although my ego wold attempt to fool you that it's immense ) and all the tools I have learned over time to nurture my Comfort, damn it, my comfort aura seems to be shrinking the last few weeks. Irritability and lack of tolerance seem to be the modality of subconscious choice. And frankly, it really isn't even fun, but it appears to have selected itself as a default mindset, and I'm struggling to edit it.
* shadow boxes himself, unsuccessfully*
So here and Now, I'm accepting the NPC's quest "Comfort". The rewards noted for this quest are:
A sense of Comfort; a feeling of ease within one's own skin, a faith that all is well in the world. A patience and appreciation for those that wander through my day. A level of respect for everything, regardless of my internal agreement or not. An Agape love ( infinite, undefined ) without effort, naturally.
Hmmmph. Sounds good, by jeesh... look at the almost endless steps to the quest:
Practice Self Discipline
In all things, choose the most humble approach
Remember only I can exercise my emotions, I decide consciously or unconsciously, to react to things
Slow down Everything
Welcome every challenge
Turn off my amazing magnifying mind
Constantly build Gratitude lists
Touch people ( when appropriate ) and allow them to touch me
Spend time with my kitties; their unconditional love is exemplary
Make a big deal of Positive things, minimize negatives
Discard indifference, fake it if necessary, but be interested
Ad Infinitum of pop psychobabble
Well. I really do want the reward, the Comfort promised. Why is my natural reaction to good instruction defiance? I think sometimes it's because I believe that some of the "comfort" I think others try to persuade me they have, is utter BS, a plastic outward comfort, but not valid. Just a useless veneer.
I mean, sure, in the 12 step world, if I just go to more meetings, spend more time with new comers, sacrifice everything important to me to put other's needs first, yada yada, ( and all the other dogmatic, Pavlovian responses they offer to such discussions ) I can have Comfort. But it really isn't real, is it? It's just a blanket over reality.
Or the other camps that suggest " you have a chemical imbalance... seek Comfort through chemical adjustment! " See a licensed Physician and fix that! Ya know, I have never seen anything that actually proved there is a quantifiable chemical deficiency in anyone. I mean, can they actually test for the levels of Seretonin, and see if it's below norm? I don't trust they can, been that route, and it's synthetic Comfort was only a zombie experience I frankly will not allow again. If I have to be a zombie to get by another day, I'd rather call Dr. Kevorkian in. Besides, add in the FACT these pill pushers financially benefit from their relationships with Big Pharma, well, their motive isn't pure, is it. Seems that just maybe, their data and reading of it, just might be skewed.
And then there's the whole religion thing, which really is the model for the 12 step thing, isn't it? Do what we say, think what we tell you to think, pay through the nose, and we'll grant you Comfort. Ignore your thoughts, Ignore common sense, Ignore the facts, just trust us! I mean I've tried the blind trust in books; books that have been edited infinitely over time by men, books that include or discard what those men decide is relevant. Sorry, but My Soul Knows the Truth. All things are motivated by selfish interest, and books are just another example of that. So I really have no desire in that Craptastic Comfort.
So, I'm stuck. Of course I'm not a victim, I chose this, I wasn't forced, I was simply born with a mind. It really is a positive, not a negative! It really is the one true freedom the traitors in charge can't deprive me of. I will embrace my mind.
I am going to start this quest, " Comfort" anew today. Fresh Enthusiasm. Fresh approach. I flex my strength to alter my default, to get back to the Comfort. To appreciate that the Lemming's Cliff isn't too far off at this point for this depraved society, that a culling is inevitable and necessary! To enjoy the ride until it comes.
*swells with hope!*
Yes, writing helps renew. It empowers me. I feel some Comfort already!
Peace, if you so desire
posted by Anonymous at 8:59 AM
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