Expectations are foreplay for Misery
Yep. I create all kinds of pain for myself, on a regular basis. Not "the man", not a puppeteer like god, not anyone or anything. No siree, its my pain, and I'm the creator.
it generally goes like this: I make a small effort to reach out to someone, a email, a voicemail left on unanswered phone calls, etc. Then wait with an expectation of a response. and wait. and wait. grumble.
I lead someone to something that has been profound for me, I share an essay, I write blog posts, I amusingly resort to begging folks to watch this, read that, etc.
Crickets.
In hindsight, maybe misery is too strong a word. I'm not miserable, but, often disappointed.
"Detach with love". Al Anon uses that. Powerful stuff right there. Im responsible for making the effort, for paying attention and doing the right thing, but I just need to let go of outcomes. Certainly a lifelong challenge, a task much more difficult than it seems. Allowing the universe to spin as it will, finding the fear that motivates my desire to control stuff.. I've never ever had the ability to control.
We will love you enough to let you you die. Step over the bodies. Life and the journey of living it, a day at a time, is littered with friends and acquaintances, that have fallen off, down, over. Folks that had equal access, opportunity, just not the missing piece... Desire. So Be It.
One of the reasons in retrospect for my divorce from the woman I love with all my heart 5 or 6 years ago.. was the misery I created for myself... by harbouring expectations. The cap on the toothpaste, the dishes in the sink, the "I give you my all, I only just ask you to allow me to remain indifferent and self absorbed, to play my useless time sink mmos forever, and ignore you.. jeesh!"
When I expect stuff, it usually involves a lot of inferred, but not actually exercised communication, too. Im an expert at that! I had that conversation with you ( in my mind, not actually spoke any words ).. and you agreed! LOL. or not.
What do I want? Practicing expressing what it is that I want. Seems most of the folks crystal balls don't actually work as well as I expected them too!
Today, I will let go of expectations. I will strive to remind myself often, that the dervishes whirl without my input, my crude attempts at control. I will create serenity for myself by detaching with love from outcomes that were never mine to manage. I will allow people places and things to be exactly as they choose to be, and if necessary, maintain boundaries that support my personal happiness and peace of mind.
Namaste
it generally goes like this: I make a small effort to reach out to someone, a email, a voicemail left on unanswered phone calls, etc. Then wait with an expectation of a response. and wait. and wait. grumble.
I lead someone to something that has been profound for me, I share an essay, I write blog posts, I amusingly resort to begging folks to watch this, read that, etc.
Crickets.
In hindsight, maybe misery is too strong a word. I'm not miserable, but, often disappointed.
"Detach with love". Al Anon uses that. Powerful stuff right there. Im responsible for making the effort, for paying attention and doing the right thing, but I just need to let go of outcomes. Certainly a lifelong challenge, a task much more difficult than it seems. Allowing the universe to spin as it will, finding the fear that motivates my desire to control stuff.. I've never ever had the ability to control.
We will love you enough to let you you die. Step over the bodies. Life and the journey of living it, a day at a time, is littered with friends and acquaintances, that have fallen off, down, over. Folks that had equal access, opportunity, just not the missing piece... Desire. So Be It.
One of the reasons in retrospect for my divorce from the woman I love with all my heart 5 or 6 years ago.. was the misery I created for myself... by harbouring expectations. The cap on the toothpaste, the dishes in the sink, the "I give you my all, I only just ask you to allow me to remain indifferent and self absorbed, to play my useless time sink mmos forever, and ignore you.. jeesh!"
When I expect stuff, it usually involves a lot of inferred, but not actually exercised communication, too. Im an expert at that! I had that conversation with you ( in my mind, not actually spoke any words ).. and you agreed! LOL. or not.
What do I want? Practicing expressing what it is that I want. Seems most of the folks crystal balls don't actually work as well as I expected them too!
Today, I will let go of expectations. I will strive to remind myself often, that the dervishes whirl without my input, my crude attempts at control. I will create serenity for myself by detaching with love from outcomes that were never mine to manage. I will allow people places and things to be exactly as they choose to be, and if necessary, maintain boundaries that support my personal happiness and peace of mind.
Namaste
posted by I Trust My Gut at 10:49 AM
1 Comments:
You have such a gift for writing! So happy you started back up!! Much Love!
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